There are only two things that really matter to me right now. 1. Making sure that my partner and children know that I love them, and 2. Telling the story only I can tell for the benefit of others who have the same story but cannot tell it.
The reason these are important is because 1. I am the only one who can give this love and it is essential to who they are, and 2. I have to get it out, I'm the only one who can tell mine, and too many people can't tell their own but maybe they can use mine to express what they each desperately need to tell too.
Both objectives apply to both needs. There are so many partners and parents who aren't able to love their "loved ones" well. My heart breaks for those on BOTH ends of this broken connection.
Listen, if you believe you are unlovable because your parents or your partner didn't love you like they should, please know...
it's not you, it's them.
How do I know? Because I am them.
I am a parent who desperately loves her children- but I have a hard time trying to show it in ways that they are able to perceive it.
I love my husband with my whole heart and soul- but I struggle to make him feel or know that.
It's not them,
They are not broken or unlovable. I am broken and unloving.
"It's not YOU.... it's them."
I say again, if you believe you are unlovable; you are wrong. You have received bad information.
This is the kind of thing that gets passed down, spreads like cancer, infects entire families and generations. Because I am busted- they believe they are. When they believe it- they don't love themselves or believe they are lovable. Unless something big happens this cycle continues.
The other chain that will continue to be unbroken unless drastic measures are taken is the silence. Others who know they are the same as me are unable to speak up. They can't tell the stories and so they hide. They don't have the words and when they do have the words -they cannot speak them.
Shame, anger, guilt, and fear keep us silent.
Well, not anymore.
This is about to get real.
I am telling the truth- from every side of the story that I can. I have tales to tell and I'm spilling them here. I can speak to the child who felt unloved because dad wasn't there. I can talk about the pain of knowing I was unloved and unwanted. Injury, Abuse, Illness- I got it covered.
I'm not covering up any more.
And it's because of you. There are just too many of you out there suffering in silence.
There are too many people that whisper to me, "I've never told anybody this before..." then tell the same stories I've heard a thousand times- of childhood abuse, or family trauma, or secret addiction.
So here is where I will tell a thousand stories. I've been afraid and too lazy and had excuses until now. Now I will tell my stories; for my kids, my husband, and for you.
Because I have realized this is all that really matters.